Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
