living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
