I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.