Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.