I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
last night I used snow as a chaser
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
