fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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