I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
