i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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