There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
