Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
