I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
