Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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