First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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