did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
foreskin is a definite game changer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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