I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
