The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
