I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
