I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize