Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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