I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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