I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
