the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
