Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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