By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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