I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
