i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
