Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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