Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
