i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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