When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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