It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
