my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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