the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize