____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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