Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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