Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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