The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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