i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
