You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
