So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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