Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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