i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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