so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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