You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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