Just cropdusted the office
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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