As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
