flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
