i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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