well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
