Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
