i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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