the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
