Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
