so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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