Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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