i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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