i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
please don't ironically join a cult
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