Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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