Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
this is an emotional support booty call
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
