Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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