Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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