You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
